>> Friday, April 13, 2012
The first step is always admitting you have a problem. Right? Well, that's what I did on Wednesday night after eating tablespoonful after heaping tablespoonful of chocolate chip cookie dough (from this delicious recipe). I had made a quarter batch. Probably a cup in all. And I couldn't stop myself from eating almost all of it in one sitting.
I looked at Stephen and said: "I'm seriously addicted to sugar. I need help."
This wasn't the first episode. I've been trying for weeks, no, months to lessen my sugar consumption. The day always starts out great. A bowl of oatmeal with fruit or some eggs and wheat toast. A lunchtime quinoa salad or hummus wrap. Healthy snacks, too. But at some point during the afternoon, I find myself utterly consumed by cravings. Not for just one cookie or piece of candy. But for a deluge of the stuff.
I try all the usual methods . . .
- Drinking a glass of water to see if I'm simply dehydrated
- Doing something -- like cleaning -- to distract myself
- Snacking on something healthy, like carrots, instead
- Attempting to sleep more at night or take naps to keep energy levels stable
- Eating more throughout the day -- maybe I just need more calories?
Those 4 pounds I lost last month? Yeah. After Easter, I'm carrying two of them around my mid-section. But make no mistake -- my motivation isn't entirely weight-related. I've never actually found myself completely addicted to sugar. Like entirely unable to stop eating it. Yesterday I tried my very best to just eat a small portion . . . and then at 9PM, I found myself mixing together another half batch of cookies. Eating several. Feeling awful physically and mentally about it.
I was nearly shaking.
So, what to do? You'd think being a breastfeeding mother would be enough to guilt me into better eating habits for the health of my child. Like with all other addictions, I need to do it for myself foremost. Today is a new day, and despite the fact that I've been telling myself that at the dawn of all days for the past several weeks, somehow this time it's different.
Last night I truly felt like I hit bottom. I mean, 9PM and I am pouring sugar into my mixer? Ridiculous.
Admittedly, it's difficult to have a food blog because I so much enjoy creating tasty recipes -- especially for baking. Like the Chevron Peanut Butter Cookie Bars. (Those didn't last long.) But I think -- at least for a short while -- the sweet stuff will have to be put on hold. Instead, I'll need to focus more on the healthy recipes. After all, (never home)maker is a healthy living blog. I guess I need to remind myself of that.
There's really no how-to part to this post. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. Take it one day at a time, of course. Today is day 1. Take some time to put together a list of resources. Look up methods that have worked for others. Really look at why I'm eating so much sugar in the first place.
The goal isn't to cut sugar out of my diet forever. I'm not into extremes like that. Plus, I think it'd be unrealistic to say I'll never eat another cupcake again. However, I think at least for a while I'll need to limit my sugar-intake quite dramatically to detox myself. Who knows what form this might take. Any ideas or experiences to share?
I'm writing this to admit to you all that I do indeed have a problem. I'm hoping that writing it out will help me finally do something about it. I very much appreciate your support! Here's hoping today is the first day of the rest of my life . . . less dependent on sugar.
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