>> Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I re-read my posts over again from time to time. Lately, what I've come to realize is, well, a lot. So much of this past year has been forced. About getting back into my old shape. Getting back to the things I was doing pre-baby. Chasing the shadow of my former self.
The DSLR-toting marathon runner with (too much) time to do cool stuff. OK. "Cool" might be stretching it. I just feel like I don't identify with the person who could drive 5 hours, go run a PR half marathon in the ADK mountains, then go out beer-tasting at breweries for the rest of the day.
And yet that girl is me. No time to do something mundane as stop and dry my hair even!
Now I feel like I do few things that could be considered interesting beyond our little family of three. Adjustment is hard, but I haven't really minded the change. Catching up on episodes of Homeland while we eat takeout pizza and watch Ada throw blocks across the room is great, too. It just feels so different!
On an intellectual level, this frustrating pursuit of my former life makes little sense to me. Things are different now. I know they are, and I'm actually
In practice, though, I don't feel as great. I feel . . . confused. Stretched thin. Directionless. I suppose I grazed the topic a bit during my New Leaf project. I feel off. There are so many things that have changed in a single year that I think it is completely normal to be a bit lacking in my enthusiasm for all of it happening at once.
Anyway: New Leaf. I have slipped a bit off the track. I knew it'd take more than a couple weeks of change to get at what I really need.
The (abridged) truth is . . .
- I'm 29 . . . so this is a big year for me before I enter the 30s. I don't know how, but I've been conditioned to think this way. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
- I'm a mom now and no amount of trying will get things the way they used to be -- mind or body -- nor do I want them that way when I actually stop to think about it.
- I'm struggling with my weight and fitness. Whereas I used to write up tips and tricks for you all, I'm the one who needs the help now.
- I work at home now. And some of what is "home" is my job, too. It's changed my identity and level of social interaction in ways I'd like to address.
I want to shift this blog back to something I feel happy about versus trying to be something I'm not anymore. A place where I feel motivated again instead of lacking.
I think I am going to start writing more about those truths I listed above. Make it more personal versus straight-up recipes and Pinterest-y tips for getting in good treadmill workouts. (Sure, there still be tons of food, too.) However, I think a big focus will be my journey toward finding who I am NOW.
Along with some posts about getting back into shape. I am not having an easy go of it. I need to spend less time trying to write up ways to get motivated to run and actually go running. (Which I'm off to do soon now that our treadmill is fixed!)
I have more to write about this, but I won't make this too long today. A while ago, a bunch of your filled out a survey about the blog. I never did anything to thank you for your thoughts. Now onto the fun part! The GIVEAWAYS!
Here's what's up for grabs.
- A yarn ornament -- handmade by me!
- A wreath -- handmade by me!
- A batch of Christmas treats (TBD) -- again, made by me!
Pssst: If you're keeping up with Ada, I posted her 12-month update today -- complete with walking video! -- on Writing Chapter Three.
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