It Stops Today

>> Friday, January 16, 2015

I need to start taking better care of myself. I have completely let this TTC thing take over my life. What I have to show for it is a bunch of extra weight around my hips, thighs, and mid-section. This isn’t the “good” kind of weight people sometimes gain to aid with fertility either. It’s come from lots of sugar-loaded treats (compounded by Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) and a sharp decrease in exercise. And much self-induced stress, of course.

Sure, I’ve gone up a couple dress sizes. Overall, it’s not horribly noticeable from an outsider perspective, but that’s not really the point. By any means. I worry I’ll continue to climb and climb because this is about way more than food. I am out of control right now. I am happy I can fully admit it, too, because it’s difficult to type out that statement for friends and foes to read, I assure you.

I’ll say it again: I cannot control the whole journey I’m on . . . but it’s certainly controlling all aspects of my life. The worst part? I’m letting it. I’ve submitted because I haven’t known what else to do. It’s time to take the wheel and gently guide myself in a new direction. Besides making more doctor appointments and continuing to figure out what’s going on, I need to, yes, take better care of myself.

Obviously, I am not going to go on any detoxes, fasts, or other major dietary shifts because I eat pretty healthfully as it is -- for my main meals. Plus, I don’t want to further jeopardize my fertility by losing weight at a rapid rate. Having a disordered history with makes this sort of thing difficult to undertake. I have a lot of emotions tied to weight and eating that I’ve worked for years to sort through.

So, I’m keeping my head clear and my thoughts level.

Moderation, right? And maybe slight modification. For example, these muffins -- which I’ll share Monday -- are insanely healthy, quick to grab, and are essentially just oatmeal and shredded apples and carrots. Versus chocolate chippers. I think with a little mix of portion control, fewer desserts, and continued low-glycemic foods, I’ll get things rolling.

I’m going to start with the following goals.

// Follow a “Weekends Off” Approach: I’ve had good success in the past with eating healthy meals throughout the week and skipping desserts, my admitted downfall, and then indulging on weekends. I’m thinking this will help tame my all-day cookie habit and my crazy post-BFN bottles of champagne. I know what I’m doing “wrong” is what I’m saying here. But I am also not willing to totally restrict my lifestyle because I really do love food and drink and think there’s a happy medium between constantly indulging and one hundred percent abstinence.

// Swap Out Bread: Well, at least sometimes. When I eat fewer desserts, I tend to sneak more slices of bread into my day. There’s a whole host of living foods I could be filling my stomach with instead. I’d like to swap out toast for a sweet potato with our breakfast for dinner night. Or maybe do quinoa on the side versus a dinner roll. I’m still going to continue eating my sprouted grains, but I realize they are still bready bread bread.

// Continue to Push the Protein: And healthy fats. I feel incredible when I’m eating the appropriate amount of protein for my body. Whether or not I lose weight. It just takes a little more work to choose these foods than grabbing convenient carbs. Which leads me to . . .

// Hone Meal Prep: I’ve become somewhat lazy with my meal prep lately when it comes to breakfast and lunch. I’ve been making dinners like a pro, though. Keep up the good work with that. Get some Slow Cooker Oats in the crock pot going. Chop some veggies so they’re ready to grab for quick snacks. I’ll probably start doing a post every now and again on meal prep, and I know a lot of you guys liked that.

// Then comes fitness:

I tried keeping up with my usual running mileage (30 miles per week, sometimes more) when we started TTC. After a few months (and when things with my body started getting funky), I thought something so easy as dropping mileage and intensity might do the trick. I’d say I was running more like between 10-20 miles a week depending on the time in my cycle. This is despite the fact that I just looked back on my pregnancy with Ada and realized I PRed at a 4-mile race and ran a 12 mile long run within days of getting my positive test. Sigh.

I’m not going to go crazy ramping up my mileage right now or introducing long runs when it’s -20 outside. But I’d like to make a goal of hitting around 20 miles a week at a steady pace. No “training” or trying to hit any sort of time goals. Some days I go out and it’s like 9:20/mile. Last night I ran 5 at 8:40. Whatever. I feel less stressed when I keep up with the running, and I don’t think it’s hurting anything reproductively speaking.

Otherwise, I’d like to add another mini-workout to a few days a week. Something that’s 15-25 minutes long. It could be some body weight stuff or a Barre or yoga video online. Anything that relates to toning and isn’t high intensity cardio. I figure I can manage adding it in the AM before I start my work for the day or perhaps during nap time.

This post feels like some strange personal journal entry. Weird, but I felt like sharing if it might help shake someone else out of something they’re going through. In short: I am hoping that focusing on myself again will help my body and mind relax. There are like 10,000 other things running through my head right now (like how I’m not directly addressing my mental health -- but I promise you, that’s not lost in all of this, they’re just interconnected), but this post is already quite long. Thanks for reading. Sometimes it’s just helpful to sort out my thoughts in black and white.


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