We’ve Weaned -- Now What?

>> Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Thank you for all your comments and messages regarding my last post -- how I’m feeling overwhelmed and like I need CHANGE. It was definitely a brain-dump about things I’ve been thinking about for quite some time, and it felt good to sort things out on the screen so I could take a few days and think. While I definitely feel wrapped up in craziness lately, I know that I could probably being doing more to help my situation. When you’re in the thick of it, trying to tunnel a way out can feel absolutely impossible, though.


I wasn’t planning on weaning Eloise this weekend, but it happened because I knew I needed it off my plate. I also knew we were ready (heck -- I wrote about weaning her back in June!). We had been down to just the nighttime feed for a month or so. Stephen was having a long Saturday and getting home several hours after he had initially planned . . . and something told me to just buy a ticket for the 7PM showing of It and have him take over bedtime. Such a small thing felt wildly rebellious in the moment.

As I clicked “order” I immediately felt a sense of relief. And also guilt. But mostly sweet, sweet relief.

Eloise turned 15 months last week. I’ve had trouble with the demands of breastfeeding this time around. Still, we forged through together and made it. I texted Stephen from the theater to wish him luck. I worried so much that she’d be crying her head off because I had abandoned her with no warning. And he quickly texted me back that she was already sound asleep with ZERO issues. He said that I was the one who needed luck sleeping after watching that clown run around town, tormenting those children.

True.

It’s been a few days, and Eloise has had no issues going to bed at night without breastfeeding. It’s closing yet another chapter in her babyhood. I’m proud that I was able to breastfeeding both of my girls for a grand total of 32 months. I did it with very few bottles or breaks to speak of. I’m not looking for an award by any means. I am more reflecting on what a crazy commitment nursing is. I won’t paint it with rainbows and kittens. It’s hard work and absolutely maddening at times.

Now that it’s over, I don’t know what that means. I’ve been loosely tracking my cycles, but shying from trying to conceive a third child. I don’t feel quite ready yet. And now that I have my body back, I may just want to take a few months to enjoy being me and having that autonomy again. Weaning was a small step in carving out more sanity for myself. I’m hoping to follow this action with more that will bring me that feeling of inner-peace I’ve been craving.

But for today, I just wanted to tell this story. It’s bittersweet, as always. Our children grow so quickly. I feel like I spend so much time trying to catch the next stage. Then, when it happens . . . it feels all sorts of ways I wasn’t expecting. That said, I’m loving this new toddler stage. I’ll do an update on what Eloise is up to these days very soon!

Happy hump day!

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