How TTC is Going . . . Or Not

>> Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Here's an update on how trying to conceive baby number three is going. I am open about this process not to over-share, but because I find it helpful and interesting to keep up with others who are TTC. When you Google "how long does it take to get pregnant?" so much of what you'll find is discouraging if you don't see a positive test after a month or two. Anyway, if you don't like this sort of content, feel free to skip.

We're half a year deep into TTC baby number three. I didn't initially count the first two months of trying because we weren't using baby aspirin or progesterone. But we were using OPKs and timing things on point (trying in the five day period before/including ovulation). My luteal phase was only 10 days, so I figured we didn't have much chance. Yet, with timing things around ovulation . . . I suppose that was actively trying with a touch of denial to preserve my sanity.

Since then, I've continued using OPKs and have added temperature charting . . . along with baby aspirin, progesterone, and OPKs. Very good timing. It has to be this way to use the progesterone, it's not really a choice or me obsessing. I start three days after ovulation. Anyway, I had an extremely faint positive show up on two different brands of tests in September (I've learned to just let this roll. I don't consider it anything) . . . but I didn't make it to a blood test, as bleeding started right on target.

I'm not pregnant.

Of course, I know how long it can take and how even a positive test is no guarantee. But I'd be lying if I thought maybe this time I'd cheat the system somehow. After all, the very month I was put on progesterone with trying to conceive Eloise, we were successful. Not only that, but I had gotten pregnant two months in a row. Four times total in the span of a year. Timing is certainly not our issue, though I know that even with perfection the average is only a 20 percent chance or so to get a positive test in any given cycle. But then I see "stats" where some 80 percent of couples get pregnant within 6 months.

My midwife only gave me 4 months of progesterone and said I should see a doctor if it doesn't happen by the time the prescription is up. I actually have enough to eeeek by with one more month of trying, but I may schedule a workup anyway. I am nearing age 35. Hormone levels and other things can change between pregnancies. We're using tools to pinpoint ovulation. It doesn't hurt to check things out before we keep going.

That said, I won't be doing anything medical to enhance my fertility. Progesterone is where we'll end intervention (unless I need medication for thyroid or something). As I have said in the past, a third child would be wonderful . . . but we're trying not to go to crazy about it. Not that I think Clomid or other things are crazy by any means (please understand, there's no judgement here! I know the risk isn't super-high, but I cannot handle even a minute possibility of multiples). I just can't go through the level of mental anguish this time around as I did last. If it isn't happening, I'm going to try my best to just be at peace.

And even with all this tracking and such, I am in a good state of mind. Just frustrated. But calm. I know everyone says to calm down and it will happen. That's the last thing I wanted to hear when we were TTC for Eloise. Guess what? I ended up getting pregnant with her when I felt on the brink of insanity. In my experience, it's all a crap-shoot.

All this to say that I'm now wallowing. Six months really isn't that long in TTC-land, though my mind does nag at me because I know when I'm ovulating, I'm confirming ovulation, we're timing perfectly, and my luteal phase is a healthy 14 days thanks to the progesterone. Still, I'm continuing my life as normal. I'm even getting into such a good groove with yoga that I'm kinda sorta OK with not being pregnant (so I can keep going to my "harder" class).

It's just this quiet, dizzying world a lot of us find ourselves in. Whether you've been trying six months or many more. It's a cycle of excitement/hope/anticipation followed by disappointment/uncertainty. On repeat. I am incredibly grateful for my girls and continue to thank the universe every chance I get for the blessing of motherhood. It's not lost on me. This is just one part of my life right now. I wish it were easier -- for everyone. But that's not reality. If you're in a similar position, join me in breathing and gathering up more hope for the next cycle.


Weirdest TTC Tricks I've Learned
What is Actively Trying?
All Things Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
All Things TTC
Eloise's Birth Story

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